Apocalyptische klassieker du jour: Your Attention, Please

Angst voor een nucleaire apocalyps was in de jaren ’80 alom aanwezig. Na de val van de Sovjet-Unie  zakte die angst weg, maar inmiddels is het apocalyptische levensgevoel weer helemaal terug. Met dank aan de Oranje Psychopaat in het Witte Huis.

Scars was een van beste postpunk bands, maar hield het helaas na één album al voor gezien. Tekst van de in 2010 overleden Australische dichter Peter Porter, her en der wat aangepast door de band.

The Polar DEW has just warned that
A nuclear strike of
At least one thousand megatons
Has been launched by the enemy
Directly at our major cities.
This announcement will take
Two and a quarter minutes to make,
You therefore have a further
Eight and a quarter minutes
To comply with the shelter
Requirements published in the
Civil Defence Code – section Atomic Attack.
A specially shortened Mass
Will be broadcast at the end Of this announcement –
Protestant and Jewish services Will begin simultaneously –
Select your wavelength immediately
According to instructions In the Defence Code.
Do not take well-loved pets (including birds)
Into your shelter – they will consume valuable fresh air.
Leave the old and bed-
Ridden, you can do nothing for them.
A special genocide squad will dispose of them later
Remember to press the sealing
Switch when everyone is in
The shelter. Set the radiation
Aerial, turn on the Geiger barometer.
Turn off your television now.
Turn off your radio immediately
The services end. At the same time
Secure explosion plugs in the ears
Of each member of your family. Take
Down your plasma flasks. Give your children
The pills marked one and two
In the C D green container, then put
Them to bed. Do not break
The inside airlock seals until
The radiation All Clear shows (
Watch for the cuckoo in your Perspex panel),
or your District Touring Doctor rings your bell.
If before this your air becomes
Exhausted or if any of your family
Is critically injured, administer
The capsules marked ‘Valley Forge’
(Red pocket in No 1 Survival Kit)
For painless death.
(Catholics Will have been instructed by their priests
What to do in this eventuality.)
This announcement is ending.
Our President Has already given orders for
Massive retaliation – it will be
Decisive. Some of us may die fast.
Remember, statistically
It is not likely to be you.
All flags are flying fully dressed
On Government buildings – the sun is shining.
Death is the least we have to fear.
We are all in the hands of God,
Whatever happens happens by His will.
Now go quickly to your shelters.