Achtung! Germans on the rise (proud of not being proud)

Jan Böhmermann, de man die zich Erdoğans toorn op zijn hals gehaald heeft, is een komiek van een zeldzame soort. Zo iemand moeten we beslist koesteren. Een Duitser met humor, dat alleen is al bijzonder – maar dat hij ook nog over veel gevoel voor (Duitse) zelfspot beschikt bewees hij al vaker, bv. met een nummer als V for Varoufakis:

Deze tweede natuur van hem bezorgde hem dan ook al gauw een vaste schare fans. Maar ditmaal heeft hij zich zelfs nog weten te overtreffen qua zelfbelediging (dus je kan hem eigenlijk hooguit verwijten dat hij nog veel te mild voor de Turkse sultan is geweest):

Be Deutsch

Remember, Remember
The 9th of November
Broken glass, fire and plot
I know of no reason
Why our very own treason
Should ever be forgot

Wake up, Deutschland, Sleeping Beauty
Can you hear your Call of Duty?
The world has gone completely nuts
That’s why we’re back to help, mein Schatz
Achtung! Germans on the rise
But this time we are fucking nice

Authoritarian nationalist Dorks
So tough with your torches and pitchforks
You are not the people, you are the past
The true Germans come for your! Better run fast

Ten million bicycle helmets in sight
Jack Wolfskin jackets marching through the night
Birkenstocks stomp the ground
Munching Kebab and Müsli, earth-shattering sound

Guten Tag, the true Germans are here
We are Xenophobic’s biggest fear
You call for strong leaders, for fences and walls
But being like us takes bigger balls
Cause we are

Deutsch – nice
Deutsch – liberal
Deutsch – compassionate
Deutsch – considerate

Deutsch – reasonable
Deutsch – social
Deutsch – temperate
Deutsch – peaceful

Say it clear, say it loud
We are proud of not being proud
We are here to remind you
That we have once been stupid, too

Maniacs with wicked hair
Ja, ja, ja, we have already been there

Trust our Teutonic expertise
We know where assholery leads…

You have an election to vote for the best
But we see it more like an IQ-test
You failed
We’ve learned our lesson so take our advice
Hold together, try to be nice and…

[Deutsch – open
Deutsch – multi-cultural
Deutsch – modest
Deutsch – help the weak and poor

Deutsch – neighbours
Deutsch – tolerant
Deutsch – Grundgesetz
Deutsch – Dosenpfand

Say it clear, say it loud
We are proud of not being proud
Human dignity is unimpeachable
You will learn, if even we were teachable

We are no longer murderous vandals
Be nice – or we’ll come for you in socks and sandals
Reserving your sun loungers with our towels
Vegan sausage in our bowls

“Hey, you dickheads
Take a good look at these legal citizens of the Bundesrepublik Deutschland in the year 2016
It’s perfectly legal for them to do whatever the fuck they want to do, you stupid shit for brains

And do you want to know why, fuckface?
Because they’re fucking human beings, like you and everyone else
Have you ever heard of the categorical imperative, asshole?
Read Kant, cunt
He also was…”

Deutsch – enlightened
Deutsch – responsible
Deutsch – we cycle
Deutsch – and recycle

Deutsch – Weltmeister
Deutsch – forgiving
Deutsch – Weizenbier
Deutsch – never forget

Deutsch – Fahrvergnügen
Deutsch – freedom of speech
Deutsch – European
Deutsch – unity

Deutsch – Fanta
Deutsch – diversity
Deutsch – selfless
Deutsch – we are Germany

Not you! We!